Memory of a Lost Dream
by Steffie Black
Summary: 5 years ago, a horrible law made Remus Lupin to go into hiding, nobody has heard of him since then, but not everyone has lost all hope...Oneshot.RLNT


A/N: My first try at a one-shot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: 5 years ago, a horrible law made Remus Lupin to go into hiding, nobody has heard of him since then, but not everyone has lost all hope...One-shot. RL/NT

**Memory of a lost dream**

It had been five years.

Five years since Dolores Umbridge had become Minister of Magic.

Five years since she had inaugurated a decree that obliged aurors to kill every werewolf they came upon.

It had also been almost five years since Nymphadora Tonks had resigned her job as an auror and had started working as a wizarding private detective.

But more important than all of this, it had been five years since she had seen Remus Lupin for the last time.

Five years since he had said goodbye to the Order to go into hiding, more to keep the Order safe than himself.

_To keep her safe, from herself, from the Ministry, but mostly, from him._

Tonks couldn't help but wonder at how ironical life could be.

She had known he wanted to keep her safe more than anything, but still she had resigned her job, made her life a mess and on top of it, she was still a single woman. How could he possibly think he could save her from herself, he should have known she was a menace for her own well-being, and it was him who had saved her from herself while he was there.

_And now he is gone, he has been gone for five years._

Tonks had thought, or actually, hoped, he would come back when things at the Ministry got better again.

But he didn't come back at all.

Not when Umbridge had been forced to resign her post as minister two years ago, when Voldemort had been defeated.

Not when Kingsley Shacklebolt had made it as the new Minister of Magic.

Not when all Umbridge's discriminating laws had been repealed.

Not even when there had been announced a special apology from the Ministry towards Remus, with a request for him to return and a promise to reward him for his work for the Order.

Nobody had heard a word from Remus for five years.

They had searched for him, of course, but after two months of searching in vain all across the country, most Order-members had given up.

Actually, Tonks suspected she was the only one, together with Harry and Dumbledore, who refused to give up all hope. Whenever both she and Harry had free time, they kept up their search, but after two years, even they started to lose their last sparks of hope.

_And why shouldn't we give up? Two years of searching, and still not even a clue about where he might be. That is, if he is still alive._

That was of course the most important question, could Remus still be alive?

Most people doubted it by now, but Tonks didn't want to believe he was dead, something deep inside her told her he was indeed still alive, somewhere…

Sometimes, when she was walking down the street, lost in thought, she had thought she saw a glimpse of him, but whenever she looked better, she realised it had only been her imagination.

She had tried to tell herself to forget him, tried to convince herself that he was dead and would never come back to them. _Come back to me_, she thought. But how hard she might try, her heart just couldn't give up on him. Every time she tried to start some relationship with someone, she would break it off fairly soon, because it was never with the right man.

_Because it isn't with Remus._

_If only I had told him how I felt. If only he had known how much I love him, maybe things would have been different now…_

But she couldn't change the past, and so she kept spending her free time searching…

Searching for the one she loved…

Looking for a lost dream…

* * *

Somewhere in Romania was a little wooden hut, kept well hidden in the middle of a big and dark forest. This hut only consisted out of one room, with in it only a bed, a closet, a table with a chair and some shelves stacked with old books. It wasn't worthy to be called a house, let alone a home and yet, it was the home of a man.

For almost five years, Remus Lupin had been living in this hut, well-hidden from the outside world.

No-one knew he lived here, and that was just as well for him.

_It's not like someone would actually miss me._

Every time this thought came to, a vision of two people came to his mind. One was Nymphadora Tonks, the other Harry Potter.

_But Harry has his friends and the Weasleys, he doesn't need me._

He had tried to be there for the boy when Sirius had died, but he didn't feel like he could provide much comfort, mainly because he was a mess himself. In fact, since that day in the department of Mysteries six years ago, Remus had felt very lost and alone, and useless. Useless for not being able to safe Sirius and useless for not being able to be there for Harry.

_And if there is one thing I can't stand, it's feeling useless. _

When Umbridge had commanded the aurors to hunt down werewolves, it had been too much. Umbridge's laws had made it impossible for Remus to work for the Order, instead it gave the Order the extra task to keep him safe, and Remus couldn't be a burden to the Order, he couldn't watch from the sidelines and do nothing but being useless.

So he did the only thing he could do. He left.

At first he had only left Britain and travelled a bit around Europe, until some werewolf-hunters almost caught him and he had decided to find a place were no-one would find him. He was travelling through Romania at that point and had come across these woods. It had been a great coincidence he had found this lonely hut in the middle of the forest, he hadn't planned to go that deep into it but it was a full moon that night and he didn't have the wolfsbane potion. When he had woken up in the morning, he had found himself near the hut and completely lost in the woods, it had taken him only a moment to realise this was the ideal place to hide.

After a few days exploring the forest, he had found his stuff, still safely hidden under the bushes where he had left them, he had found a little stream nearby his new home where he could get fresh water and he had found enough resources to provide himself in food. It wasn't much, but at least no-one would bother him here, or find him.

Sometimes he wondered if someone was looking for him, maybe Dumbledore, or Harry, or maybe, just maybe, even Tonks.

_That's wishful thinking, why should she be looking for me._

He shook his head; there was no reason at all to think she might be. They had been friends, yes, and they had become closer after Sirius had died, but that didn't mean she would waste her time looking for him…

_She has better things to do, she's probably busy enough with her auror-work. Besides, she probably has enough friends her own age, maybe even a boyfriend, and they are probably better for her than an old werewolf like me could ever be._

But part of him couldn't help but hope she might be looking for him, although it was a part he ignored most of the time.

_She deserves better than me. _

But maybe, she might care enough.

_It doesn't matter, she doesn't even know how I feel about her, why would she bother to look for me. If only I had told her that I love her, maybe things would have been different now…_

But there was no use brooding about the past and things that could have been. There was work to be done, he had to get water and find something to eat, that was what mattered now.

Tonks wouldn't come, even if someone was searching for him, they would never find him here. That was something he had to keep reminding himself of.

Because when he didn't, sometimes he thought he could pick up her scent in the air, a light whiff of strawberry, but then he realised it must have been the strawberries growing near his hut.

She would never come, no-one would.

She was only the memory of a lost dream…

_Please review…_

A/N: A sequel is on the way for those who are interested…


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